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People expect grief to fade in a straight line. It rarely does. It comes back on birthdays, in car parks, in the smell of someone's coat, and each return can feel like starting again.
In this article
Grief is not a task with an end date. It is the shape love takes when the person is gone, and it moves in and out of the day like weather.
A wave after a calm month does not mean you have gone backwards. It usually means something touched a memory before you had time to brace for it.
Clients often apologise for crying about a loss from years ago. There is nothing to apologise for. The years do not decide how much it mattered.
Leah Brandt, PsyD, from the room
Naming a wave as it starts takes away some of its surprise. These are lines our clients have found useful to say, out loud or in their heads.
"This is a wave. It will pass."
Naming it gives you a small step back from it.
"I miss them, and that makes sense."
Missing someone is not a symptom to fix.
"I can stop what I am doing for ten minutes."
Permission to pause stops the fight with yourself.
"I would like to talk about them today."
Saying their name often brings relief, not pain.
There is no correct way through a wave, but a few small things make most of them shorter and softer.
Afterwards, drink some water and eat something small. Grief is tiring for the body as well as the mind, and a wave can leave you drained for the rest of the day.
Grief does not shrink. Over time, your life grows around it.
If a loss still stops you from working, sleeping or eating months later, a few sessions can help.
Grief that does not ease at all after a year, or that comes with thoughts of not wanting to be here, deserves support. That is not weakness; it is how heavy some losses are.
Our therapists see grief every week. You can come in to talk about one person, or about the many changes a single loss sets in motion.
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