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Many parents tell us their teenager has gone quiet, or that every conversation ends in a slammed door. Often the problem is not what is said, but where and how it is said.
In this article
Teenagers are building a life of their own, and that means pulling away a little. Pulling away is healthy. Shutting down completely is a sign something needs attention.
Face to face questions can feel like an interview. Side by side, in the car, on a walk or cooking together, talking often comes much more easily.
The best conversations I hear about happen in the car at night. No eye contact, a set end point, and nobody can storm off.
Tom Lindqvist, LMFT, from the room
Short openings work better than long lectures. These are a few that parents tell us help.
"You seem tired lately. I'm around if you want to talk."
An open door, with no pressure to walk through it.
"What was the best part of today?"
Easier to answer than "how was school?"
"I won't be angry, I just want to understand."
Then keep that promise, every time.
"Do you want advice, or do you want me to listen?"
Asking first saves a lot of arguments.
In family sessions, everyone gets a turn and nobody is the problem. Expect questions like these.
Some teens prefer a few sessions on their own first. That is fine, and we always agree with the family what stays private and what we share.
A teenager who argues is still talking to you.
Family sessions are seventy-five minutes and can include everyone who lives at home.
If your teenager talks about self-harm or not wanting to be here, take it seriously and seek help the same day. Call or text 988 at any hour.
For everything else, a first free call is a good place to start. We can talk through what you have noticed and who on our team would be a good fit.
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